Trigger warning: mention of harassment, rape culture and domestic violence.
The tendency to view bisexuality in terms of percentages along a binary line between heterosexuality and homosexuality is not a new concept. Seeing bisexuality as a mixture of two pre-existing orientations - hetero and homo, hence the "bi-" prefix - dates back to times when scientists tried to make sense of homosexuality and bisexuality by pathologising them. While some gay-identified and straight-identified people do date non-binary people, it is safe to say that these two terms are generally understood to mean "attraction to the same sex/gender" and "attraction to the opposite sex/gender". These are very binary ways of defining gayness and straightness, and viewing bisexuality as merely a combination of the two oversimplifies the situation.
While some bisexuals view their bisexuality as "attraction to one's same gender and attraction to the opposite gender", this definition does not resonate with everyone. Others have modified this phrase to be more inclusive, defining bisexuality as "attraction to the same/similar gender(s) and other gender(s)". The problem is that, once again, this does not encompass all bisexual experiences. Some bisexual people, for instance, are not attracted to genders that are the same as or similar to their own. Viewing bisexuality (and other mspec identities) as a wholly different sexual orientation allows it to be free of the binary to which bi community leaders have never subscribed, but which was nevertheless enforced upon the community from the outside.
However, the issue goes beyond matters of principle and definitions. Depicting bisexuality as “half gay, half straight” is not only an inaccurate and incredibly binary way of looking at sexual orientation - and by extension the complexity of the gender spectrum. It can also have devastatingly harmful effects in practice.
Ignoring the individuality of bi and pan (+) identities ignores the very specific issues faced by the mspec community, assuming that “… and bisexual” can be lumped into any reference to gay individuals, hence producing no specific research on the experience of bisexuals as it is assumed that there is nothing to discuss.
The statistics alone are staggering, as published by various sources including the Human Rights Campaign. On average, bi people are worse off in terms of mental and physical health than gays and lesbians (with the exception of trans individuals if we are considering the whole LGBT+ community). There is a higher tendency for alcohol and substance abuse problems, among other things. Bi people are less likely to come out than their gay and lesbian peers, and on average tend to come out later in life. Lesbian and bi women are at a higher risk of sexual harassment and rape, including so-called “corrective rape” (a conversion practice based on the mysoginistic and lesbophobic belief that a lesbian simply doesn’t know what she is missing, and that a bi woman is already half way to being straight and therefore simply needs a little nudge… even if by force). Bi people often have no access to bi-specific sexual health resources and advice from doctors, and are far less likely to come out to their doctors when this is necessary.
Pretending that bi-specific identity and experience does not exist is to pretend that bi-specific issues need not be addressed, as addressing gay and straight issues will solve bisexual issues by extension. This is gravely incorrect, and can at times have serious or even lethal consequences.
Firstly, there is the lack of community and tangible support system. Many bi+ folk find it difficult to identify other bi+ folk, much less form a community, and hence have developed a tendency to go it alone. This can also at times be seen in bi+ activism, although some organising does exist. Rejection from queer community can be especially hurtful when one turns to it for support only to find that they are once again being rejected and ostracised - this time from a group that should be able to sympathise and therefore should know better. Lacking a sense of belonging can have very negative mental health effects on the individual. Bi+ people often discuss feeling that they are “not queer enough” - too gay for the straight community and too straight for the gay community, and hence rejected from both sides. A lack of bisexual+ spaces makes it even more impossible to form a brick-and-mortar space of our own, and many bi+ individuals end up finding community online, often with people who live in different countries. These feelings may be further compounded for bi+ people in straight-facing (or hetero-seeming) relationships, as they may be ostracised or involuntarily cut off from their queer community, thus losing an incredibly important support system.
Secondly, there are problematic implications to viewing someone as “half straight” or “straight passing”. Calling someone “half straight” implies they are half way towards being heterosexual, and may further encourage conversion practices as well as the aforementioned so-called “corrective” rape. On the flip side of the coin, gay people viewing bi+ people as “straight passing” completely ignores the particular struggles faced by the bi+ community. The assumption that you can just “choose to pass as straight” has lead to many individuals not receiving help when they do need protection from discrimination or violence based on their sexual orientation!
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Just some real-world examples of bi-specific issues are as follows:
1. Asylum seekers having their claim for asylum based on sexual orientation rejected and being subsequently deported to a country that will persecute them for their same-sex attractions.
Recently in Ireland, a bi man was denied asylum on the basis that his claims about being bisexual were not believable. In a similar case, a Zimbabwan frontline healthcare worker during the COVID-19 pandemic was denied asylum based on the fact that she did not "seem bisexual" and was issued a deportation order. It is the age-old tale of bi erasure, where bisexual people or constantly not believed, and their past hetero-seeming relationships are seen as a means of disproving their bisexuality, rather than a confirmation of it.
According to Apphia Kumar, the first known bi refugee in the US, lawyers will often advise bisexual clients to lie and say they are gay to increase their chances of having their asylum application accepted, therefore asking them to renounce a part of their identity. This seems to be based on an assumption that when one is bi+ one can simply choose who to be attracted to or fall in love with. It also implies that it is better to live a life of misery without the person you love rather than claiming your genuine right to protection. Ironically, this is the flip-side of the coin where a bi+ individual is, in rare occasions, forced to “choose” to be gay. Usually, the assumption is the reverse: if you can choose any gender, why not choose the “better” (heteronormative) option?
Moreover, this legal advice creates a new risk in that if the asylum-seeker in question is revealed to have opposite-sex attractions and relationships (to define it in binary terms), this could be grounds for throwing out the case entirely based on the fact that the individual has lied, thereby decreasing their credibility on the assumption that they are secretly straight.
In cases like these, the idea of “straight-passing privilege” is not only insulting but goes out the window entirely. While there are definitely some perks to being perceived as a straight couple out in the street, situations like these demonstrate that being hetero-seeming is not always an advantage. So long as one is bisexual, one will always be at a disadvantage in a monosexist society.
2. Bi+ women and people who are assigned female at birth (AFAB, such as cis women, trans men and some non-binary people) not being given proper sex education or treatment.
Sex between women/AFAB people is considered to be less valid and is taken less seriously. It is often assumed that this kind of sex is automatically safer and that it is not possible to transmit STDs. OB/GYNs may sometimes ignore this side of the client’s sexual experience and focus exclusively on sexual encounters with men and people assigned male at birth (AMAB, such as cis men, trans women and some non-binary people).
This bi+ medical erasure included the outbreak of the AIDS pandemic, where bi people were both seen as the “bogeymen” bringing the sickness into straight women and lesbian spaces, while also being completely ignored in the few efforts that were made to address the crisis (which was no thanks to the Raegan administration at the time). One of the struggles of the AIDS outbreak awareness campaign was getting authorities to include women as potential victims of the epidemic, whereas previously it had only been associated with gay men (and later bisexual men who were painted as silent killers of their straight wives, ironically having the positive effect of bringing women's sexuality to the attention of medical professionals and the media).
3. People losing divorce cases and custody battles in hetero-seeming relationships because their former spouse claims they lied about being gay.
Among a number of other cases, the latest reported case took place in 2021 where a bi man was ordered to pay his ex-wife €10,000 for each year they were married as “emotional damages” for his coming out, stating that she would never have married him if she had known. The ex-wife also wanted the marriage annulled, saying he used her “as a social refuge”. Thankfully, this judgment was later overturned.
4. Bi+ people in mixed-orientation relationships facing the risk of physical and/or emotional abuse from their partners.
This may be more likely to occur in cases where the partner is straight and homophobic, although it is certainly possible for domestic abuse to occur within gay-facing relationships as well if the partner is biphobic. Non-monosexual people (which includes asexual and aromantic) are sexualities where the individual must come out to their partner, unlike in gay and straight relationships where the sexual orientation of the people involved in the relationship is usually taken as a given.
Bi+ (and ace/aro) people often have to learn to look out for these specific red flags, and may sometimes feel the need to come out early on in the relationship in order to gage the reaction and whether this person will be worth the effort. People will often ask why bi+ people feel the need to come out as bi+ if they are now in a “gay” or “straight” relationship, not realising that sometimes it is a matter of self-preservation, safety and wellbeing, as well as retaining one’s sense of identity.
5. Bi+ people in relationships with non-binary people, on top of the stress of having to come out as bi, may face the additional stress of defending their partner’s gender identity (and their own if they themselves are also trans/non-binary).
This may in particular be even truer for pan+ folk, since these terms tend to be less known and require explanation, which will inevitably lead to a discussion about the gender spectrum. If this turns into an argument, the stress of coming out for instance as pan, ply or omni may be compounded by the stress of rejecting the gender binary. This is not to say that bi people cannot also face this struggle; however, since bisexuality is often mistakenly understood to be “attraction to men and women”, this may be less likely to occur. That said, there are a number of instances where the people one is coming out to will not know what bisexuality means either, and this will require not only coming out but also explaining and defining what one is coming out as.
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Finally, society as a whole does not treat us as “half-straight” or “only half-gay” and therefore deserving of half the respect or only half the punishment. In countries lead by extremist regimes, a difference will not be made between labels. It is the fact of having homosexual attraction and the act itself which is being punished. You will not be “half-killed” if you are bi. You will not be “half thrown into prison.” You will not be “half beaten” or “half raped” or “half harrassed”. It is important to remember that what is often seen as passing is really just a form of being shoved back into the closet. Like any other queer identity, bi+ people are only safe so far as they remain closeted and are assumed to be cishet in a cisheteronormative world. You are only safe until you are not.
The irony is that bigots do not discriminate between bi+ and gay people. They see us all as queer, as deviant, and they hate us all equally.